Sunday Sun day

I am so blue right now.  Matt was here for the weekend and it went like lightening.  I am feeling sorry for myself that my kids are so far away.  I was meant for this.  If I didn't like them that would be different.  That is why I work.  So I can immerse myself and not wallow in self-pity.  It was bad enough that my parents died so young and that I really don't have much of a relationship with my brothers or have any kind of extended family.  I tried but it never went well.  I have a beautiful home, everything I have ever wanted and more, a loving husband, great job (most of the time), a faithful beagle (I think) and some days I am miserable.  I am lucky I can somewhat afford to travel (to see my kids thousands of miles away), have great friends and a  wonderful social circle but I HATE when my children are not around.  I love visiting, love having them here but can't understand why I am so miserable when they/I have to leave.  I can scream that it is not fair and want to slap my friends who have children that they complain "live an hour away".  Poor you.  Enough wallowing in self-pity, just had to get this off my brain and into my blog.  It is what it is and I am not likely to change... I  just  need to learn how to live with it.  I can't believe the emptiness I feel when they are not here.  Why did these years go so fast?  Like a roller coaster.  It hurts so much to miss them as much as I do.

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